


Resemblance

by bubbletead



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble Collection, F/M, Heavy Angst, One Shot Collection, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 01:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17972261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubbletead/pseuds/bubbletead
Summary: You and your bias. Imagine.Part 2 of the Twenties series.>> Yoon Jeonghan





	Resemblance

**Author's Note:**

> twitter.com/lastarabesque  
> curiouscat.me/lastarabesque

_Member :_ _Jeonghan_

 

"I'm not her. I'm sorry."

Those were the last words you said before leaving him under that rain. Your clothes both soaked and every tear washed with each drop of the rain. Those words might also be the final words you will ever tell him because now, you are finally setting him free.

" _No._ " Jeonghan muttered under his breath inaudibly. He felt his heart tear into pieces when you walked away. The pain was unexplainable. He really wants you to know that you have special place in his heart more than just being a resemblance of his first and only love but a part of him is unsure of it. He needs time to clearly understand your importance and holding on to you while he does it is a very selfish move so it's best if he just let you go.

***

"We're done." You shrugged. A week has passed and you fought every single day with eyes filled with unshed tears. The wound is deep and the pain is fresh but you kept on going. "Actually, there's nothing to end. We didn't even have a chance."

It's not like you confessed to Jeonghan or Jeonghan asked you to be his girlfriend but you just ended ties with him with a few words. Even before that, you are both aware of where this connection is going. He only sees you as an exact copy of his ex and it is not a valid reason for him to hold on to you. He will only either like you as  _her_ or he will not like you at all. Stopping this early is the best cure.

"You'll be fine." Jun rubbed your back to soothe you. He was never good with words but he still sincerely wants to make you feel better in any way.

"Do you think I did the right thing?" All this time, you are still so unsure of yourself. You want to commend yourself for being able to let him go but when you find yourself thinking about him at the end of each day, you couldn't help but regret your decision.

"Only you could answer that, ut if what you did gave you happiness then maybe you can consider it right."

 _Happiness_.

Happiness is such a big word. Some people have it too easy, some struggle first to feel it's genuineness. Some find it in the little things while some could have everything but it. It was such a complicated thing to greed of, but you weren't really demanding about it. Your happiness always depended on little things and this is the only time that you've asked for something bigger. You want him, you need him to be happy, and you know that it's not supposed to be that way. He has been a part of you,  _yes_ , but you can't have that desire because as much as his existence gives you joy, you know that with him you'll debilitate.

"How could I be happy?" You chuckled sadly. "I only ended ties because I don't want to fool us anymore. I also think it's the most clever thing to do." And sometimes, clever is better than happy.

"Well, we need to experience pain to appreciate happiness." Even Junhui wants to commend himself for the cool words that just came out of his mouth. He was right. Life brings us difficulties to make us surrender, so we could learn from it, be motivated because of it. And maybe Jeonghan was the lesson life brought you. "You'll get over this."

You really hope so too. But would it really be possible to forget him when every single night that you close your eyes to sleep, you recall the day you met him? And you somehow wished that you just didn't put yourself in the situation. Then maybe you wouldn't be this hurt.

 _It was last summer_. You were strolling around the mall to ease boredom when someone grabbed your wrist and called you a name you never heard before.

_"Younghee," You turned to face the guy who called you and you were quite surprised to see combined longing and shock in his eyes when you don't even know him._

_"Uh,.. sorry? I'm not Younghee." You pulled your hand away from him._

_"Oh. I_ — _I know." He stuttered, dreary gaze slowly falling. "I'm sorry."_

_You shrugged him off, thinking being mistaken for someone was pretty normal. Then it happened again but instead of getting surprised, you became curious about how the whole story went. Why he keeps on mistaking you for that Younghee. Who is she exactly?_

_"Young_ — _" He grabbed your wrist again as you were walking with Jun to the library, same guy. This time he immediately let go. "You're not Younghee."_

_"Jeonghan hyung!" Jun beamed after recognizing him. He introduced you to each other and you made sure he got your name clear so he wouldn't call you names again the next time bump at each other. You had so much to ask from him, also because it annoyed you that you are contantly getting mistaken for someone else but since he's Jun's friend, you decided to get over it. For the mean time. Also because he was nice and apologetic enough._

He was all the positive adjectives. He was kind and warmhearted. He's considerate, thoughtful and he has concern for other people even if he doesn't know them deeply. He helps a lot. He also often worries about others too, making him take care of them better. He gets shy easily but he still smiles a lot even in awkward situations. He was ideal.

He's just usually nice to everyone and the people around you would all acknowledge that, but they would also admit that he treats you way too differently than how he is to any other person. Jeonghan looks at you in a very special way. His eyes simply change its brightness when he stares at you.

Of course you wouldn't want to assume and at first you turned a blind eye but when you became more observant you somehow proved the truth in their words and oddly, you didn't feel so comfortable with it. For a time you tried to endure the awkwardness you started to feel when you became aware of his actions but it was hard. And it bothered you.

"Jeonghan, why are you so nice to me?" You asked in the midst of doing your homework. Actually you were only scribbling random shapes, you can't focus. "Because I'm your hoobae? Or I'm younger?"

"Of course not." He was confused with your sudden question. "Is there something wrong with it?"

"No but, I find it uncomfortable. I'm not really  _that_  kind to you." It was so burdensome. You are not used to just getting good stuff without giving back enough.

"Okay,.. I'm happy when I look at you because you look exactly like someone very special to me." He paused, his smile fading. "But she died in a car accident two years ago." You dropped your pen unconsciously. The peaceful library became even more silent, it was as if no one was around but the two of you. You don't know what to say.

 _Younghee_.

You heard her name twice and there's no way you would forget. It's the name that introduced Jeonghan to you. The name that brings sadness to his eyes.

You should have figured it way before when he took you to the park near their neighborhood just to eat ddokbokki or when he gave you random things out of the blue. You should have gotten the hint when he did things out of his comfort zone for you, he doesn't even like parks or walking in crowds and you don't really like ddokbokki that much but you still went on the same dates. You were so confused until you found out from Seungcheol that it was something Jeonghan and Younghee used do. Somehow you were disheartened that he only asked you on those walks just because he was reminiscent but you put up with it because Jeonghan looked so happy everytime you do those random things. And seeing him smile puts your heart at ease.

His actions became more acceptable for you after you knew the truth. He has his reasons and it's all valid. This is also the only way you can stop the tears that are always in his eyes from falling, because you never want to see him hurt. It had been bearable for a time but everything has limits and yours also came.

It slowly started to fall out of place when you accepted his reason. Sometimes you just look at him and wonder about how he feels, how his untold stories sound. There's so much about him that you wanted to know but he wasn't giving you any access to any of it if you don't ask. Yet, you were afraid to ask because you don't want your curiosity to scare him away. And knowing too much about him will probably just make you fall. Yes,  _fall_. Because you also started to see him as a very special person from all those moments you spent together. He was way different from the others because for you, he is. He was always fragile despite of the walls he built around himself and one thing you knew for sure is that you wanted to help him protect his walls if that is how he would heal. You want him safe. You want him happy. You want to be there to stop his unshed tears from falling and even if they fall, you are greedy enough to wish that you'd be the first one to wipe them away and tell him everything will be okay.

But that is not the right thing to hope for. Not when Jeonghan's only with you for an exact reason that hurts you and it's difficult to deny yourself of the truth— he only stays because he sees you as Younghee. You were just a shadow of someone he values so much, and no matter how hard you try, how much effort you give or care you offer, you will never be just  _you_  in his eyes.  _You are Younghee,_  the love of his life, his first and his last, his one and his only.

" _I'm not her. I'm sorry_."

Jeonghan knows but he chose to fool himself. There are many things that differ Younghee from you. Younghee's presence healed his soul and settled him down, while yours challenged him and opened his life to new doors. She was calm and gentle, you are bold and dauntless. It's not even difficult to differentiate you from each other because you were way far from each other like the opposite poles of the earth.

She was the  _serenity_  of the ocean and you are the warmth of the  _rose quartz_  sunset.

"Jeonghan, you need *YN*. That's the truth." Seungcheol proudly stated, knowing better than him as always. He knows even the things Jeonghan doesn't admit to himself. "And being stuck at the moment she left you wouldn't do anything."

"I never made her feel that way. I'm not even sure of myself." Jeonghan sighed deeply, feeling so dumb with his poor decisions. But he couldn't figure it out, he's still confused up to now.

"For once, Jeonghan, just be true to yourself." Seungcheol feels so frustrated.

"How?? I can't look at her without remembering Younghee!" That, atleast, is something he wouldn't deny. He doesn't want to keep you just because of that. He doesn't want to be unfair.

"Then who do you think of now? Her or Younghee?" Sometimes Jeonghan just needs to be asked questions for him to actually know how he feels. He's smart but there are times that he's dumbed, one is when it's about you and Younghee.

"I don't know." His spirit died down. He was tired of thinking.

"Of course you do. But you won't admit because you let your guilt win over you. Do you honestly think Younghee would hate to see you happy with someone else?" Seungcheol was tired too. He was tired of knocking some sense into Jeonghan when he doesn't see any improvement in him. This time he just wants to be straight to the point even if it would hurt him. "Younghee is not coming back, face it. And when she left, she never asked you to be guilty over feeling again. Moving forward and loving again is not forgetting the past, it's keeping the memories safe in your heart and living." Seungcheol was right, but more than just being confused, Jeonghan is in denial.

"No one can replace Younghee. You know that!" His voice slightly cracked, feeling agitated that Seungcheol doesn't seem to understand him. But Seungcheol is not near done.

"Every person is irreplaceable, Jeonghan. But if you insist your opinion then maybe you're so ready to lose  _someone_  again." Seungcheol returned with much conviction, and by someone he means  _you_. The frustration he feels for his friend doubled but even if he has to punch him to wake him up then he will.

Jeonghan's mind never became peaceful since then. He kept thinking about Seungcheol's words and how correct they were but everytime he does, he can't help but think of Younghee. She's still important to him and that will never change just because someone who looks exactly like her came into the scene. He promised himself that he would never replace her but he never thought it would be this difficult.

Avoiding you was unbearable. There are times when he catches you at the cafeteria but he chooses to walk away even if all he wants is to be near you again. He wants to hear your voice again, to see you laugh again but refrains himself to start even the simplest interaction. He needs time away from you, to think, so he would settle in just looking at you from afar. You looked happy. The spark in your eyes is still visible but evidently, it faded, because of him. Jun kept you company like always, and he made you laugh. It seems as though you were back in your proper place before he came, before he ruined everything, and he wouldn't dare cut in just to bring chaos again.

_But what he sees outside is only the tip of your iceberg._

You are not okay. You just make yourself believe that you are. Every single thing that surrounds you reminds you of Jeonghan and it makes you feel like you still see him around.

"Do you want to watch a movie later?" Jun nudged you to pull you out of your deep thoughts again.

"For free?" You beamed at him like a puppy and it was surprising that he simply nodded. "Oh my god, really?? What's the occassion?" Jun just wanted to help you ease out a bit.

"You sound like I never treat you to anything." Jun looks utterly hurt by your reaction but you don't care, you're just happy to get anything for free. "I just want to show you that I'm better in watching horror." His face is stern but you couldn't help but laugh at his remark.

"I doubt. Do you remember the horror house?" You went inside one last summer break with Seokmin and Minghao, and Jun's frightened, pale face is not something you could easily forget. It would be difficult for him to get over that trauma.

"That's different! We encountered  _actual_  ghosts there. This is just on screen. Plus Seokmin infected me with his cowardliness, I think." You could only shake your head, chuckling. Jun was happy to see you smile again over the little things. "So are you coming or not?"

"Of course I want to, but we have a club meeting later. How about tomorrow?" Club meetings aren't something you can afford to ditch especially since you hold a position.

"Right, I forgot. Okay then tomorrow it is. I'll just tail you there again." As usual.

Not a tail but more like a shadow. He's always around everywhere you go. You spent most moments with Jun, like an obvious companion. Wherever you are, he's there. If he's not, he  _will_ definitely be there. He's someone you could trust your whole life with, the witness of your joy, success, pains and struggles. Like how the bright and loud you was slowly devoured by misery when Jeonghan came. But he will help you redeem yourself again, it's the least he could do as your bestfriend.

You are aware that Jun tries his best to accompany you despite your issues so you try to be a bit more considerate by showing him good reactions. You always smile around him so he would feel that his efforts are paying off somehow. Just like now as he was sitting at the corner most part of the room looking so bored and uninterested as he waits for the meeting to finish. He's stealing glances of you from time to time before smiling to himself because here, you look happy. Even though that temporary smile does not even meet half the opposite feeling that you have.

Jeonghan passed by the room you are in and accidentally caught a glimpse of the scenario from where he stands. Once again, he felt his insignificance, his difference from Jun. If he only had that courage and perseverance. If he can only face everything in front of him without being entangled with the past.

Jeonghan was so immersed in his thoughts, he hardly noticed that Jun already went out of the room from the other door and is quite observing him as he looks at his best friend.

"Hyung." Jun called after clearing his throat. "What's up?"

"Nothing, just passing by." Jeonghan shrugged off his unnecessary thoughts as he removed his gaze from you.

"Hyung," It's not the tone Jun used when he first called him and his gaze was sharp like daggers thrown to him. Jun is a very gentle person but once the look in his kind eyes changes, you should know where to put yourself.

"I'm not going anywhere near her again, don't worry." Jeonghan gave him a weak smile and Jun hates how identical it is to your smile when you try to act okay.

"Of course. If you can't take responsibility, better just leave.  _For good_." Jeonghan was taken aback. He wasn't expecting to hear those from a close friend but he can't blame him. He has all the reason to feel hate.

"I will,.. I'm sorry." Jun just felt infuriated with Jeonghan's answer. Somehow, he wants him to fight back with words to defend himself, to fight for you and prove him wrong but Jeonghan was just owning up and admitting it like a total loser.

"I love her..." Jun mumbled. Jeonghan's surprised eyes managed to find a way to meet his. "As a  _bestfriend._  And I won't let anyone hurt her again, even you."

"I never intended to hurt her." That was the last thing he wanted to do. It was just unavoidable considering the situation.

"But you did, and surely? You  _will_  hurt her again if you keep hanging around. Hyung, if you can't stay for her, just leave. Because there's no way I'm giving her to someone temporary."  _Leave._  He will take that as a good advice. His presence will only bring you both back to misery anyway. You've both had enough.

"Just,.. help her heal." Jeonghan reached for Jun's shoulder and tapped it, as if entrusting you to him.

"No, you heal yourself first... and then decide." Jun has had enough of the bullshit. Jeonghan should man up and face his responsibility instead of passing it to him. "Because it's not me who can heal her."

***

"I miss you." Jeonghan traced the headstone with his fingers, tears relentlessly running down his cheeks. "You know, I met someone who looks exactly like you. And it's too much for me." His sobs filled the air but no matter how hard he cry, no one will provide him the comfort he's looking for.

_He's just miserable._

When he looks at you, he sees Younghee. But he feels something that he doesn't feel for her anymore yet, he's so sure that he still loves her so much he can give up anything just to bring her back. He could only love one person. And if he's certain that he loves Younghee, then why does he long for you every single day that he wakes up?

"Can I just have you back?" Jeonghan rested his head on Younghee's headstone, but no matter how hard he cries for her, she will never come back. " _Younghee..._ "

Just then, a serenity butterfly fluttered around his hand and landed on his pinky finger. Yet again, so suddenly, he recalled Younghee's last night with him.

_"Yoon Jeonghan, do you really know that I love you?" Her head was resting on his shoulder as they are watching the clear, starry night sky._

_"How much?" He responded playfully, brushing her hair with his fingers affectionately._

_"What? Of course it's immeasurable." Younghee nudged his side lightly, finding the question absurd. It's something parents ask their kids when they want them to act cute._

_"Tell me exactly how much." He insisted his childishness. Sometimes it's just good to hear how much someone loves you in a measurable way. "Because me? I love you so, so much that without you, I can't."_

_"Really?" She faced Jeonghan and he nodded, planting a kiss at the tip of her nose. "That's so sweet, but I prefer if you can turn that 'can't' into 'can' because I want you to be strong even without me. You are my everything. Most of all, you are my happiness. So if one day you'd have pick between your happiness or mine, just choose yours. Because it's all I hope for. That's how much I love you, remember that."_

_He should have found it odd when she said those but little did he know that it was a premonition of an irreversible disaster. An accident that will take everything away from him completely, forever._

Since then his mind never let him sleep. He's almost incapable of functioning from the train of thoughts that occupies his head but one thing is for sure, Younghee wants him to be happy. She said it herself and she even helped him remember.

"Regret is such a bad feeling. I should have cherished that pen when I still have it." Seungcheol is obviously trying to plant thoughts in Jeonghan's mind again and Jeonghan is quick to catch all that. Seungcheol may have not mentioned you again but he still tries to knock Jeonghan's conscience everytime they converse with figurative words. "You know, people who have the chance to do something to prevent themselves from feeling regret are so lucky. I hope they all realize that." He's really being overly dramatic over a pen.

"I'll buy you a pen, okay? Just cut it." Jeonghan only acts unbothered, but he absorbs all of it.

"Weird. Why do sound hit?" Because he is. Jeonghan can only roll his eyes because Seungcheol was being so hateful again. You're lucky your bestfriend hasn't reached his bestfriend's level of annoying yet.

Though, Jun's thread is shorter than imagined and he tends to be more serious than Seungcheol. "When will you be genuinely happy? I'm honestly having a hard time seeing you like this." Everytime he looks at you, it's as if you're always in the verge of giving up. Like you'll collapse with one blow of the wind and crumble into pieces.

"Believe me, I'm really trying my hardest to be okay." If Jun only knows the huge difference between the emotion you show and how you truly feel, then maybe he'd be more appreciative with the effort. He suddenly felt sorry to hear those from you.

"You know, whatever. Just don't pretend." His sentences were short and quick because he can't organize his thoughts. He wants you to be okay but if it means faking it, then nevermind. He prefers your transparency. "Cry if you want, I'll cover you from the people."

"Really? No taking back!" You really want to do that right now. You tugged his shirt closer and started to put your face near his chest.

"Just,.. don't sob so hard. I can't cover the sound." He straightened his shoulders to make a bigger wall with his body frame that can possibly block your entire figure.

"I'll really cry!" You warned him last time. He looked really determined to cover you but you only throw a friendly punch on his chest. "Tss. I won't. How could you ask me to cry in public?"

"Well, have you seen yourself? You obviously need to let that out. Hurry up! I'll make sure no one sees." He stretched his long arms to surround you again like a fence. People started to look at him weirdly for what he's doing. He's attracting attention instead.

"That's not how you do it, Jun." You wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him to a hug. "This is better. Less attention seeking, right? It's comforting too." You looked at him with the most sincere eyes and he's just blinking innocently before you, absorbing the new knowledge.

"You just trying to hit on me. Well, you know, public display of affection is an offense." You rolled your eyes at him and pushed him away. He's really hard as a pumpkin sometimes you want to boil him.

"How come I don't have an effect on you when I'm still a woman after all?" But you're still relieved that there's no malice between the two of you.

"Woman? You? I dunno." He teased even harder by looking around you, as if really searching for that woman you're saying. You threatened him with a fist before sighing.

"But kidding aside, Jun, if there's a  _woman_  you like, pull her to a hug if it looks like she needs one. It's the best cure especially if you receive it from the person you want it from the most." The power of a hug shouldn't be underestimated. It can remove stress, sadness and it can definitely cure any emotional damage.

"Do you want to receive that powerful hug you are talking about from Jeonghan hyung?" He smiled at you playfully and you rolled your eyes again. Of course you do, he's the person you most want to receive it from after all but thinking about it, you prefer just not to. Because he's also the person you least want to be near to. You lowered your gaze again and Jun just hates it when you do so he just slowly pulled you to hug like you said somehow hoping that this could feel near your expectations.

Unknown to the two of you, Jeonghan saw everything from the window of the building he is in. From how you pulled Jun closer and wrapped your arms around him until how he disheveled your hair after your conversation. He was observing everything as he was talking to Seungcheol and there was nothing from what he saw that he liked.

 _Nothing_.

***

Weekend.

Jeonghan is almost in his peak devastation so he decided to just stay at home, in the comfort of his bed. Thinking about it deep, and deeper, there's really no way he can pull himself out of sadness alone. So he took his phone and searched for pictures of  _Younghee,_ her solo photos that he took, stolen or not, even their photos together _._ Those were really good times he can never bring back _._  Oddly, as he was doing this, he couldn't help but think of you. He recalled the moments you smiled, laughed, together. Your silly and corny punchlines, your stubbornness. The way your mouth moves when you speak, and how unreserved it is when you're eating. He remembers how transparent your eyes are when you beam at him, it resembled the entire universe, and how dimmed it got when you last looked at each other, for farewell. For a while he forgot that he was in fact browsing Younghee's photos, not yours.

He stared at nowhere, for a few more minutes, before finally letting the voice at the back of his head win over him.  _You need her._  Then he found himself dialing your number. It's been a while since he last opened your contact info and he's not expecting you to answer but still, he wanted to take the chance.

" _Hello?_ " He was so surprised to hear your voice on the other line, he couldn't speak right away. "Hello? Who's this?"

"I—It's me,.. Jeonghan." The line suddenly became silent, no response from you. You don't know what to say. You deleted his number to resist the temptation of contacting him but here he is, speaking to you from the other line. "Can we talk?"

"Uh,.. sorry. I have lots to do."  _Lies_. You have the whole day free, you just don't want to talk. Not because you entirely just don't want to talk to him at all, but because cutting all ties is the best thing to do. You don't trust yourself to be able to look at him again too when just by hearing his voice, your heart aches so bad like it's getting halved.

"I can wait until you're free." Jeonghan was determined, but you promised yourself to be stronger.

"No, you don't have to. And please, don't call me again. I'm changing my number." If that's what you have to do just so you wouldn't talk to him again then you would, even if you have to undergo the hassle of giving out your contacts to people again. Jeonghan heard Jun speak on the other line.

"Sure, like you're not waiting for his call." You ended the call after that but Jeonghan already heard it. And he was provided with hope and courage.

This is the time, he is ready to face it. They were all right. He was only making himself more miserable by avoiding you when clearly, deep inside him, he has this huge fear of totally losing you. He made up his mind and he was hopeful. He will win you back even if you don't feel the same way anymore, even if you don't allow him. Because one thing that he realized from all this is, Seungcheol was right. Regret is a bad feeling.

The next thing he knew after grabbing his cardigan and storming out of his unit, he's already in your neighborhood waiting for you to pass by. He can just go to your residence and demand for a talk but he wouldn't, he doesn't want to scare you like that. He would wait, you are worth waiting for anyway, and he trusts that you'd come coincidentally. Younghee would help him.

Snow suddenly fell,  _first snow_. He always disliked the cold but he especially hated it more today. It's awfully cold and his insides slowly froze, except for his heart. That was frozen for a very long time. Younghee used to make him feel warm with her love but he wasn't there anymore and it's not her that Jeonghan needs now but you.  _Just you._

You were on your way home after running a visit to the department store for some medicine for colds. Timely, the snow fell. It slowly became so cold and you didn't even cover yourself with anything warm. Who cares though? Atleast you already have the meds. If Jeonghan was there, he'd definitely nag at you for having that positivity again.

Remembering Jeonghan, you suddenly feel sorry for him. The least you want to do is to cut him off but what can you do when you really don't want to see him and you aren't ready? There's so much to think of for when you meet him again and one of those is how to fight the urge to want him back. You don't to desire him anymore, all you are hoping for now is for him to heal and move on from his past relationship so he can welcome people in his life properly and wholeheartedly.

With those thoughts occupying your head as you were walking down the street, you were surprised when someone suddenly grabbed your wrist and called your name.

"I'm not Younghee." Of course, no one said so. But like a habit, you responded.

"I know." He let go of your hand as soon as he got your attention.

" _Jeonghan_ ,"

"Please hear me out." His eyes are begging for your attention, that even if you don't have any plans of listening you somehow want to give him a chance to explain. "Please?"

You sighed. You are unprepared but you always told yourself to be strong for when you face him again but you just can't be tough to the person you love. "Just... for a minute." Jeonghan relaxed and his face lit up when you agreed. You weren't looking but atleast your ears are on him.

"I like you." He doesn't want to beat around the bush anymore. He doesn't want to explain any longer. It's everything he wants you to know, he likes you. "So please, stop ignoring me."

"What??" You scoffed in disbelief. He really sounds so unbelievable to you right now but of course you still hope that there is truth in what he's saying. Although Jeonghan never lied to you and although he never hurt you intentionally, it's still a huge mistake to just let yourself fall easily again over someone you're quite unsure of. "Jeonghan,..  _enough_."

"No, please." He took you hands to his, earnestly pressing it. "I like you, not because you look like Younghee, not because you remind me of her. I like you as you, *YN*."

Jeonghan was eager to make you understand and believe that everything he's saying is deeply from his heart. Sure, he wanted to get close to you before because your presence resembles Younghee's so much and he found comfort in it. The pain and the longing eased with you, he was happy again. But that wasn't just the sole reason. All those times, he was aware of how far you are from Younghee, and if he was brutally honest to himself, he would have admitted that you are making him fall harder than anyone ever did.

"Okay." You vigorously pulled your hand away from him. "Do I have to respond?" Jeonghan was surprised, forcing himself to digest the fact that he turned you into thi—  _stone cold,_ and he doesn't have the right to be disheartened by it.

"*YN*," He breathed your name again but you weren't letting him speak anything that can convince you. You're at the verge of giving up and letting him have a chance, and you know that it wouldn't be the wisest decision with all the facts laid.

"Stop." You raised your hands when he stepped closer. You inhaled the tears back, forcing yourself not to breakdown. It's just so unfair that you have to be stuck between Jeonghan and his ex lover when you didn't even do anything wrong to deserve this. " _Fuck_ , Jeonghan. I'm not Younghee."

"I know! Do you really think I didn't realize that?" He was starting to be a bit frustrated but he's far from giving up.

"Yet every single time we spent together, she was in your mind. And now you expect me to believe you?" You feel so wronged by all of this. It's just unfair that he can manage to play with your feelings with just a few words. "This? Is done, Jeonghan. I gave you more than a minute already. I just hope you move on from Younghee."

You turned, and started to walk away from him. All that's happening freshens up your wounds and because you can't guarantee that Jeonghan can really heal you, when he can't even heal himself properly, leaving would probably be the best thing to do.

"I told you, I like you and not how Younghee resembles you. Because truth be told? You only look the same but you're way too different. And I don't care if you believe me now or even never," He still talked despite you getting farther from him. "Just be prepared because I've made up my mind. I can't lose someone important again, I can't lose you. Not when I know that deep in your heart,  _you want me too_."

Your heart jolted from what he just said and your feet completely stopped moving. He sounds so confident and you honestly want to spit some words that would discourage him but your tears just suddenly fill your eyes. No one ever gave him the right to play with your feelings like this but he does it like he's so unaware of how he affects you when he just said it.

"Really? Well then does it make you feel at ease and hopeful knowing that I like you too? Were you ever liked back by the person you like just because resemble someone so important to him? Do you know how awful it feels that no matter how much I want to believe everything that you're saying right now, I'm afraid?? You should have moved on first before making me feel special. Then it might have been easier to trust you."

Jeonghan walked slowly to where you are and even if you want to take a step back, away from him, your feet are as if they're stuck to the ground. He put his hands on your shoulder and slowly pulled you to his embrace. You missed this, you wanted this, you have to admit, but it's just wrong. You don't want to break your walls for him but he's making you forget that you promised yourself to get out of his life and let him move forward because he can't possibly move on when he sees Younghee in you every single day.

"I hate this." You still forced yourself to push him away but he was strong enough to resist. Your fist just rested on his chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." This is the first time he apologized since you first started drifting apart. Even when you cried under the rain, you didn't hear him say sorry. Even after a long time of not talking, he didn't ask for your forgiveness and it was because he doesn't know which one he should be sorry about first. Everything he did was wrong and now he wants to make it right. "I'm really sorry, but I don't think I would ever forget Younghee nor would I move on from her because if she didn't come to my life, I wouldn't have held your wrist that day, I wouldn't have called you with her name and I wouldn't have met you. I can't promise you that I won't hurt or disappoint you again but *YN*, all I can promise you is that I would wait. If that means you'll give me a  _chance_."

A teardrop fell in his chest.

Jeonghan was sincere. He was pleading, begging for a bit of your trust. You want to give him a chance, you really do, but more than anything, your fear is so overpowering. There are things you want to do him and things you never want to experience again. This time you want to.make sure that it would go your way but love doesn't always follow our desires. Because love is unpredictable and it is a risk. It's not something you can be sure of even without jumping to it yet.

Everything only sums up to just one question— are you willing you take the risk? In this game of heart with Yoon Jeonghan,  _are_ _you willing_?

 

****** END ******

 

_The answer is yours._

_"Love me for who I am, not for who you want me to be."_

 

-  _ **belle**_

**Author's Note:**

> twitter.com/lastarabesque  
> curiouscat.me/lastarabesque


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